..the easement - I think we might’ve even gone home for lunch on occasions. Our home’s proximity proved crucial in one particular incident when, in my self-appointed role as boy-with-the-tightest-belt-in-school and in the middle of a game of bar-the-door in the school yard I suddenly felt my belt snap and my shorts come dangerously close to falling down in front of all my school mates. All I had to do was rush home red-faced clutching at my shorts to find a replacement belt and I was back in the school yard before the end of lunchtime bell had rung.
But it was at Cashmere Primary School that I first encountered kids picking on other kids just because they were different. Easily the most different kid in Mr Campbell’s class was Wayne Kirk. He was a tall, gawky awkward-looking guy with a big nose who wore over-size shorts and galoshes in winter and brought a thermos of home-made soup for lunch which left him smelling a bit oniony, all of which was different enough without the pudding bowl haircut his mother gave him.
His potential nemesis was the school fat kid, (they weren’t as prevalent in those days), Mervyn Rowe. Mervyn was the biggest kid in the school, by mass at any rate, and was a bit of a bully by nature. He sweated a lot and as a result was also a bit smelly.
It had to happen and I’m convinced the rest of the class, including me, were silently willing it to happen. Inevitably one day Mervyn picked on Wayne for no particular reason, but probably all of the above, and quick as lightning they were both rolling around the ground wrestling and biffing each other with most of the school egging them on.
I don’t know if there was a winner. I remember Wayne’s nose was bleeding and he was sent home and that I was feeling strangely ashamed and complicit in this rather messy clash of the Titans.
I think this reflection’s got something to do with the movie we saw last night, The Lady in the Van, starring the enduring English actress, Maggie Smith. (I mentioned to Richard today that it was a worthwhile movie and, of course he’d read the Alan Bennett memoir it’s based on).
Without wanting to detract from your possible enjoyment of the film (or the book) I can tell you that Maggie Smith plays Margaret Shepherd, an aspiring concert pianist in a former life who ends up parking her van (or vans) in Alan Bennett’s driveway for fifteen years. During this time Alan feels slightly bullied and certainly very puzzled by this obviously educated vagrant polluting his Camden premises, but he does not at any stage presume to judge her.
This is partly due to his inherent reserve and also possibly due to insecurity about his own sexual ambivalence, but by the film’s end we’ve shared in the discovery of some latent nobility of spirit in the incorrigible Miss Shepherd and Bennett’s grudging admiration for her gutsy approach to life in contrast to the meek life and death of his mother in a parallel universe.
The only thing we miss out sharing as a cinema audience is the smell. (Whatever happened to ‘smellies’? They were all the rage for a moment in the ‘70s I seem to recall). Anyway, probably just as well given the prominence in the film of Ms Shepherd’s propensity to incontinence. Considering how it could’ve been treated the film’s light touch allows Maggie Smith to shine and the audience to gasp and guffaw at her antics in equal measure – something not too often heard in the movie theatre these days – and also to absorb the underlying message of the story i.e. difference and eccentric behaviour are sometimes difficult to deal with but we shouldn’t allow ourselves to write people off because of it. There fascism lies.

What is it about quizzes that entertains me so much in my dotage? (I’m speaking of TV quizzes – I don’t think I could be bothered to actually participate in the local Trivia nights for instance). I think I’ve detected something of interest in Seven’s The Chase.
The first thing to be said is that this is one prolific and ubiquitous show. I have no idea how it rates in fact, but I suspect that it rates through the roof. Seven has the original English version and a home-grown Australian version running concurrently, and the Aussie version shares a couple of the principal cast members from the English version. It’s on the telly all the time.
We have elected to watch the English version only, but even then we can’t keep up and there’s a back log of unwatched shows building up on IQ.
But I think I’ve discovered why this particular quiz might rate so well. It’s because it has a ‘moment’ which is deeply revealing of the human character with all its strengths and weaknesses. It’s transfixing. It’s also annoying – Maria gets quite upset and refuses to watch when a contestant makes the wrong decision.
There are four contestants who make up a makeshift ‘team’ and take on The Chaser, one of a team of four ‘brains’ that defend the prize on offer.
Each of the contestants has an individual quick quiz to amass an amount to take to the table and then is offered a higher or lower amount to defend against The Chaser.
Sometimes the higher amount can be breathtaking. Sometimes the lower amount can be a miserable few pounds or even a minus figure.
Anyway, this is the revealing moment. Sometimes the contestant will opt for the higher amount, but the majority will stick with the amount they won for themselves in the initial quick quiz. Some however earn Maria’s scorn and approbation by taking the lower and even minus amounts, just so they have a better chance of remaining in the contest and going for the collective prize.
‘How could they do that?’ she cries. ‘I could never do that!’ and so on. If you haven’t seen it my fellow couch potato, give it a go. That ‘moment’ is worth all the discomfort of not being able to keep up with the actual quizzing.