..graced either the stage, or the bench.
The reception afterwards turned into the party of the year and threatened never to stop. My aged mother was persuaded to dance or at least bob slightly in the same spot, and the music, highlighted by Mike singing “I’ll be Gone” unaccompanied, was non-stop and loud. Relatives were everywhere, friends were everywhere and it was all rather exhausting. By the end of the week when all relatives had departed for other states and countries I was totally shagged.
So rather than go on and detail emotions of the day, or week I would like to be a bit of a cheat and just jump in the speech I made seeing that I am just a little but proud of it. It was much longer than this when I started but young Elizabeth (née Rudd) was pretty emphatic about the time allotment.
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Good evening. My name is Richard Rudd and I am, unsurprisingly at this point in the proceedings, the Father of the Bride. With my wife Mary I would like to welcome you (possibly again) to the post wedding festivities of Elizabeth’s and Ryan’s wedding.
Most especially I would like to welcome Eileen, Ryan’s mother. A lovely, lively, gracious and exceptional lady who, pretty much single-handedly, has raised such an outstanding son.
I would like to welcome my own 91-year-old mother Lois who has made the trip from Auckland to be at her grand-daughter’s wedding probably to the consternation of several of the world’s largest insurance companies. Also from Auckland brother Jeremy and his wife Suzie. And my elder brother Michael, the rock and roll legend, and his partner Maria.
Elizabeth’s grandfather David who is also 91 was not able to attend due to illness and so remains looming very large in Rotorua.
I would like to thank Una, Elizabeth’s maid of honour/dame d’honneur/brideslave, best friend and our part-time daughter. She remains a grace and adornment to our lives and a get out of jail free card for some of her clients
A boisterous welcome to the Torquay crowd - a venerable but ageless crowd with whom we have spent over thirty years watching their children grow up and have children of their own whilst simultaneously supporting the Australian wine industry. That place and the very special group have played an important role in defining the values that she holds.
I would also like to welcome our other friends and family from Victoria and the great rust belt of South Australia (Barry, Val, Lesley and Jane), Elizabeth’s friends, Ryan’s friends and the great tribe of Griffin that apparently knows no bounds brought together from all over this large continent - welcome to either an expanded circle of friends or to a larger family. But there are 189 of you and I have to stop introductions, incomplete as they must be, somewhere. And that somewhere is here.
Perhaps my father/daughter relationship is not too different from any other but they are all rather special in their own way. I have given some thought to it because Elizabeth is very dear to me and to me unique. Though not, of course, ‘very unique’.
I offer one idea that the singularity derives from the fact that it is the most uncomplicated relationship that a man gets to have. And men, in truth, cannot stand too much emotional complexity. There are no hidden agendas, ulterior motives or psychoanalytical complexities. Just a simple protective loving and caring relationship that develops into friendship over time. Perhaps being an only child, a singleton like both her grandmother and husband, makes this more intense as she received undivided attention.
The following may sound a little strange but I was lucky to have more time with her than is usual when she was young. I had a period when my body took exception to itself and I needed some time to recuperate. I then followed that with a Post-Graduate in computing when I realised that the art qualifications I possessed enabled me to tastefully cover the cracks in the wall but would not be sufficient to cover the holes in a budget for an expanded family. So I managed the better part of two extra years with her.
But to Elizabeth herself. I have no desire to produce the equivalent of those Christmas notes I received from some American friends detailing in deathless prose how the family has been around the world, single-handedly facing down typhoons, water spouts and duty free shops whilst their two super intelligent children with perfect teeth and clear complexions graduated summa cum laude most prestigious schools and universities.
Well not quite.
Let me start, as they say, in the beginning.
Paradoxically she appeared both late and prematurely in our lives. She was early and we had left her to the last minute.
She was, and still is, a happy child who endured all the usual parental ministrations and improving courses such as gymnastics, tennis, piano and ballet lessons and Surf Life Saving programs -and more - with considerable good grace, occasional stoicism - and even talent. In her younger years she was carried up New Zealand volcanoes in the rain, and bushwalked and camped in strange and desolate places in Australia. We even sledded her over the snow in a homemade contraption across Mount Buffalo only stopping when we realised that she had fallen out and we had to ski back half-a-kilometre to find her.
Our criterion for secondary school was perhaps a little unusual in that it had to have International Baccalaureate (just in case our nascent genius wanted to study at the Sorbonne) and an agricultural program. The latter was the result of a strange romantic notion I had that as a New Zealander - having spent some little time on relative’s farms - that she should know the difference between a Romney Marsh and a Merino, and a Belted Galloway and an Aberdeen Angus.
We found a school that met the criteria although it was financially an on-going novelty. Over her years there it turned out that the International Baccalaureate was an excellent idea, but that their prize-winning farm was a complete and utter waste of time as far as Elizabeth was concerned.
And there she met Una who was a boarder there as her parents worked in the highlands of West Papua. She was soon persuaded to move in with us and the two worked together with more than a modicum of healthy competition right through to their final exams. Where fortunately, non-collusively and coincidentally they both got the same total mark. But, I hasten to add, different marks in different subjects.
So academically she prospered, and won a prize or two in her final year. Her marks were good enough for Melbourne University Law where she worked extremely hard and earned her a career at a leading law firm where she is now a Senior Associate. And still working hard as you probably knew already.
For some time she laboured under the impression that she was the first in the family to do Law but I had to disabuse her when she came back from an Articles interview at Minter Ellison. ‘Did you know,’ she said,’ that in New Zealand that they are known as Minter Ellison Rudd?’ ‘
‘Didn’t I tell you that that it was my grandfather’s firm that they merged with’ I replied as innocently as I could ‘and that your middle name, Laurence, is because of him? ‘ There was a silence that might have been classified as the onset of a new Ice Age.
Mary and I provided what support we could but all her achievements and her kind, open and cheerful nature are her own – we can, ultimately, take little credit - that is if we were honest which fortunately we aren’t.
But a few probably commonplace but special memories..
• Reading Bedtime stories –any book that allowed me to do funny voices. Dickens, Arthur Ransome and post modernists were all grist to the mill. Then holding her hand as she went to sleep
• I remember driving around New Zealand where we could share silences that need no words to fill and Pinot that few other countries could match.
• I remember the anxiety you have as a parent knowing that you child is overseas - perhaps in the Middle East - and knowing that she is quite capable of looking after herself. But worrying anyway.
• I remember watching her first uncertain steps , and a smile that lights up our lives and lifts our hearts high
But of course all this is idle chatter. A lot of the time I waltzed after work and did all the nice things whilst Mary like all mothers did all the real work most of the day long whilst juggling a career of her own. And I suspect that whilst my relationship is wonderful at the end of the day Mary’s is more meaningful and hard earned.
For some reason it is traditional to give some advice about marriage and how to make it a singular success.
Given that my wife and I will have been married thirty-six years tomorrow you might think we have some qualification. Given that we are also capable of behaving like teenagers with ADD and a diminished IQ this is really just a perhaps. But in the interest of completeness I will offer four things.
1. Have a sense of humour
2. Realise that the only person you can change is yourself
3. Choose the right partner ……. which they have
Fourthly and have some really, really good friends. We have been blessed with three couples that we know that we could trust with Elizabeth’s life. Miklos and Arabella , Jill and Greg and Douglas and Helen. Wonderful caring and creative people. I cannot tell you how special they are to us but if Ryan and Elizabeth have friends like them they will be able to count themselves as extraordinarily lucky.
Ultimately we come to Ryan. What can a father-in-law say about a young man who is taller, darker, more handsome, as intelligent, possessed of a good sense of humour as well as a touch of wickedness, who is highly sociable, and hard-working? He has slipped seamlessly into our side of the family as if he was always there. As Elizabeth approves so do we, whole-heartedly, approve.
But what I also see, having watched them for some little time, is that for our daughter he provides a safe haven, with the strength and calmness to protect them from the storms of life. At the end of the day I trust him with my daughter’s future openly and whole-heartedly. But seeing than together I know that it will also be a partnership of equals in hope and love. They are great complement to each other.
Therefore ...........
I would request that you raise your glasses our daughter Elizabeth who has been a constant, surprise, joy and delight in our lives. May she continue to bring as much happiness to her husband Ryan as she has to Mary and I
To the Happy Couple!!!!