But not for me, however, given that the few tools I had possessed unique migratory habits, flying with the Terns and Godwits to Siberia and beyond; this would leave Bunning’s unique selling proposition looming very large and very empty.
Which leads me to Christmas and the inevitable “Wadja wunt” (which is etymologically related to “Emma Chizzit”) By my venerable age I actually have all the material things that I could reasonably want, although strangely now having a dearth of grandmothers and great aunts the yearly supply of staples such as handkerchiefs, socks and commodious woollen underwear is non-existent. Yes I know that I’m excluding from my Christmas ambitions the McLaren MP4-12C and the 145Kg, 1.9 metre highLegacy Helix loudspeakers from my wish list but let’s not be too ambitious or unrealistic. So what I’d like for Christmas is, to echo the song in the film ‘Love Actually’ is a bit more universal love. Or even ‘Luuurv’. ‘Not just for me but for everyone’ to throw in a Dionne Warwick/Burt Bacharach reference as well. In fact let’s have life just as it is in the movie – if that is such a good thing .
“Love Actually”, which will soon be occurring multiple times on a TV channel near you, may just be the favourite feel good movie of all time, pitch perfect, funny, dazzling, sentimental to the extreme and a tad goofy. Thankyou Mr Richard Curtis another New Zealander far more talented than I. Being a male means that I’m not meant to own up to the fact that I like the movie, that rather I should be going ‘harrumph’ into my beard and commenting on the lack of a meaningful discussion of global warming, the impact of the GFC on Greece, and same sex marriage. Not that I know what the impact of global warming will be on same sex marriage except to reveal more carbon footprints and leave a nasty taste in the mouth. But then again – to Magimix my metaphors - I am have been known to shed the odd very masculine tear on “Sleepless in Seattle”, “Shaun of the Dead ”, and “Prostrate Surgery for Beginners”.
The movie does have some interesting political asides, for example when Huge Grant as Prime Minister, a Tony Blair like character that actually has principles, turns to a portrait of Margaret Thatcher and says “You have this kind of problem? Yeah... of course you did, you saucy minx!” This confirms the horrible truth that there were actually quite a lot of men – at least the whole of her cabinet and the Conservative party - who found Mrs Thatcher a creature of erotic fancy.
Most of the ten interwoven relationships in the film are funny, fraught, quite sad and potentially doomed mismatches. Even though Bill Nighy had been on stage, screen and the box since 1976 this was (at least to me) his defining moment when we realised that we would be seeing Bill Nighy being more or less the same for ever after. Who can recall the role he played as a hitman and love interest to Emily Blunt in Wild Target without feeling slightly queasy? But playing Billy Mack to Gregor Fisher as his long-time manager they do have a couple of great lines before they settle down with a bottle of scotch to watch porn demonstrating that it is a musical, business and personal relationship that will last.
Billy Mack has returned surprisingly early from the Elton John party .
Billy Mack: I realized that Christmas is... is the time to be with the people you love.
Joe: Right.
Billy Mack: And I realized that, as dire chance and... and... and fateful cockup would have it, here I am, mid-50s, and without knowing it I've gone and spent most of my adult life with a... with a chubby employee. And... and much as it grieves me to say it, it... it might be that the people I love is, in fact... you. [pause]
Joe: Well, this is a surprise.
Billy Mack: Yeah.
Joe: Ten minutes at Elton John's, you're as gay as a maypole!
All that is good about the movie is revealed in the words of Prime Minister played with his usual hair flopping insouciant style by Huge Grant: “Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion is starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around.”
Over the years I have actually started to like Christmas a bit more - perhaps the tender mercies of my wife’s extended family are finally working - and so I think that the best of Christmas which starts with a smile, and ends with a hug and a hangover should be extended a bit further. Such calls have not been too successful in the past but we have to keep on trying. One day it has to work.